All The Things I Should Have Done
by Cheile
Summary: Ben Krieg's unsent letter to the woman he still loves. First-person POV.


**Author's note: I know I'm working on "Hand of Wrath" but my muse simply would not shut UP about this (thanks to a certain hit singer), so I'm doing it to get it out of the way. Vega is a real nightclub in Copenhagen, so I hope they don't mind me borrowing their name for the story. Thank you a thousand times to my lovely MadameGiry for the last minute beta! :mwah:**

**Legal B.S.: seaQuest DSV and all its canon factors are copyrighted to Rockne O'Bannon, Amblin Entertainment and NBC. I'm just a longtime devoted fan.**

**Rating: light T for mentions of adult situations.**

**Dedication: to John d'Aquino for your brilliant portrayal of Krieg. I'm only sorry you didn't get more than one season to show us your talent.**

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All the Things I Should Have Done  
by Cheile

_Katie,_

_I'm not sure I even know where to begin. Tomorrow is going to change everything, and I don't want it to change. I had my chance and I blew it, and I admit it. It seems pretty damned stupid to be writing this now, but I can't stop thinking about it all._

_Remember when those kids from the Landau depot were onboard and I told you I was only in love with the idea of us and not with you? I lied, you know. Yes, I fell in love with the idea first, but in the end, I was in love with *you*. Still am, in a way. You're beautiful, brilliant, strong. And I don't care what the rules say, you would be just as good holding your own command with or without a child. After we had that conversation, I spent the next couple days wondering what might have happened if we'd had a kid. Maybe we'd have kept it together instead of falling apart._

_I know you always hate it when I bring up our honeymoon. But it's one of my best memories of us. Four glorious days in Copenhagen, even though we acted like the kids we were back then; skipping all the tourist attractions for three and a half days and then running all over the city trying to cram them into the five hours of daylight left. My fault, of course...you warned me that seeing the sights takes time, and of course, I didn't listen to you when I should have. _

_And of course, the moment you *really* hate me bringing up: the trip to that nightclub. Vega, I think it was called. You wanted to just head back to the ship, but I sweet-talked you into "just one more night out". So after taking some time to get appropriately ready (and some extra time having to repair the damage when we got sidetracked), off we went._

_That green corset top and white miniskirt. The picky fashion types would have said that you "ruined" the look with the flats, but you looked perfectly sexy to me. And then when the band listened to that one obnoxious guy and started playing something that sorta sounded like the Macarena, you just climbed up on the bar and led the whole thing. Everyone in that club was ogling your moves, me included. I remember some kid nearby, a little smart-ass who didn't even look old enough to legally drink. He was stripping you with his eyes and wanted to know if I thought he'd get lucky if he asked you to go home with him later. I laughed in his face and said I didn't think so. Of course, he wanted to know why that was. Oh, the look on his face when I held up my left hand and pointed to my ring, then said "'cause that's MY girl" was priceless._

_My other favorite memory is our first Christmas, when we were lucky enough to be home for the holidays because the boat needed repairs. Spending three days alone in that drafty little cabin in the Catskills that I was able to rent last minute: just you, me...and a blizzard. How you yelled at me when I almost got us lost trying to get there. How we ran in, slamming the door against the blizzard and then we just started laughing, because it was all so damned ridiculous. How we remembered that we left all the groceries and our bags in the car...hours later. How going out at almost midnight to unload everything and bring it inside started a snowball fight. How we finally got us and everything back inside, five seconds before the blizzard started up again. And last but not least, how we spent the rest of the night in front of the fireplace not getting a minute of sleep. Looking back, it seemed like we spent half the weekend arguing, but on the other hand, it was the best Christmas I ever had._

_Tomorrow, I'll watch Captain Bridger perform the ceremony, see Lucas give you away. I'll smile and congratulate you and go through all the motions, when in reality, I'll be hating every minute. But gotta keep up appearances. Nothing gets a Krieg down, and all that jazz._

_I know I'll have all the great memories: Copenhagen, sneaking around the Eisenhower in the dead of night without alerting the night watch, the smell of your skin that Christmas Eve, the fact that you're ticklish on that one spot on the back of your neck, and so many more. But somehow, the memories aren't enough._

_So, I hope he buys you flowers and takes you dancing and all the things I should have done but didn't, as that old song goes. Because I'm regretting the fact that I didn't, even though it's far too late for that._

_I love you, Katie. Be happy._

_Ben_


End file.
